2006-10-13

In which I confess my fear that my husband is trying to off me�

Before I went to bed yesterday I closed most of the windows because it was supposed to get much colder during the night. Before my husband went to bed, an hour or so later, he re-opened all the windows because he is trying to kill me.

I woke up this morning with a mild case of hypothermia. It was freezing in our place. Penguins were marching in our bedroom. I half expected to hear Morgan Freeman�s voice narrating my morning routine: �Megan then hits the snooze button with her frost-bitten fingers and curls back into the fetal position under the covers, awaiting certain death as her internal organs slow their functioning one by one.�

Yesterday I told my husband that it was going to get cold over night and I predicted that if he left the windows open, it would be freezing in our house the next morning.

He disagreed with me, like always. He said, �It�s hot in here.� He said, �It�s not going to be that cold tonight.� But apparently, what he meant when he said those things was �I bet that life insurance policy I took out on Megan would pay out big time if she froze to death in our condo.�

I wonder if Morgan Freeman would speak at my funeral.